鱼语 。oO不老阁Oo。

Every day, I get emails and comments that are amazingly positive and encouraging, and in truth these messages are the very thing that sustains my blogging. However, I also get negative comments now and then: criticism of my writing, and not nice criticism either.

How do you deal with criticism? I think the first reaction for most of us is to defend ourselves, or worse yet to lash back.

And yet, while criticism can be taken as hurtful and demoralizing, it can also be viewed in a positive way: it is honesty, and it can spur us to do better. It’s an opportunity to improve.

Recently, I ran an “Ask the Readers” post asking for suggestions for improvement, after receiving a few critical emails and comments. I responded to one of the critics with a “thank you” and asked him to comment in the Ask the Readers thread.

The reader emailed me back, and here was his response:

After sending my email, I felt I might have been a little harsh. But now, after reading your response, I think you would have the perfect qualities to write an article or two about taking criticism with grace and appreciation.

I really liked that thought, so here is that post he suggested: how to take criticism with grace and appreciation.

Stop Your First Reaction
If your first reaction is to lash back at the person giving the criticism, or to become defensive, take a minute before reacting at all. Take a deep breath, and give it a little thought.

Personally, I tend to get a little angry when I’m criticized. But I have also taught myself not to react right away. For example, I’ll let a critical email sit in my inbox for at least an hour before replying. Or I’ll walk away from someone instead of saying something I’ll regret later.

That cooling off time allows me to give it a little more thought beyond my initial reaction. It allows logic to step in, past the emotion. I don’t have anything against emotion, but when it’s a negative emotion, sometimes it can cause more harm than good. So I let my emotions run their course, and then respond when I’m calmer.

Turn a Negative Into a Positive
One of the keys to my success in anything I do is my ability to find positive things in things that most people see as a negative. Sickness forces me to stop my exercise program? That’s a welcome rest. Tired of my job? That’s a time to rediscover what’s important and to look for a better job. Supertyphoon ruined all my possessions? This allowed me to realize that my stuff wasn’t important, and to be thankful that my loved ones were still alive and safe.

You can do the same thing with criticism: find the positive in it. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most criticism, you can find a nugget of gold: honest feedback and a suggestion for improvement.

For example, this criticism: “You write about the same things over and over and your posts are boring and stale.”

Can be read: “I need to increase the variety of my posts and find new ways of looking at old things.”

That’s just one example of course — you can do that with just about any criticism. Sometimes it’s just someone having a bad day, but many times there’s at least a grain of truth in the criticism.

See it as an opportunity to improve — and without that constant improvement, we are just sitting still. Improvement is a good thing.

Thank the Critic
Even if someone is harsh and rude, thank them. They might have been having a bad day, or maybe they’re just a negative person in general. But even so, your attitude of gratitude will probably catch them off-guard.

And you know what? My habit of thanking my critics has actually won a few of them over. They became friends of mine, and eventually a couple of them became some of my biggest proponents. All because of a simple act of saying thank you for the criticism. It’s unexpected, and often appreciated.

And even if the critic doesn’t take your “thank you” in a good way, it’s still good to do — for yourself. It’s a way of reminding yourself that the criticism was a good thing for you, a way of keeping yourself humble.

Learn from the Criticism
After seeing criticism in a positive light, and thanking the critic, don’t just move on and go back to business as usual. Actually try to improve.

That’s a difficult concept for some people, because they often think that they’re right no matter what. But no one is always right. You, in fact, may be wrong, and the critic may be right. So see if there’s something you can change to make yourself better.

And then make that change. Actually strive to do better.

When I received criticism that my posts weren’t as good as they could be, I strove to improve. I tried hard to write better posts. Now, did I actually accomplish that? That’s a matter of opinion — some will say no, while others seemed to enjoy the posts. Personally, I’ve been rather proud of some of these posts, and I’m glad I made the extra effort.

Be the Better Person
Too many times we take criticism as a personal attack, as an insult to who we are. But it’s not. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it that way. Take it as a criticism of your actions, not your person. If you do that, you can detach yourself from the criticism emotionally and see what should be done.

But the way that many of us handle the criticisms that we see as personal attacks is by attacking back. “I’m not going to let someone talk to me that way.” Especially if this criticism is made in public, such as in the comments of a blog. You have to defend yourself, and attack the attacker … right?

Wrong. By attacking the attacker, you are stooping to his level. Even if the person was mean or rude, you don’t have to be the same way. You don’t have to commit the same sins.

Be the better person.

If you can rise above the petty insults and attacks, and respond in a calm and positive manner to the meat of the criticism, you will be the better person. And guess what? There are two amazing benefits of this:

1. Others will admire you and think better of you for rising above the attack. Especially if you remain positive and actually take the criticism well. This has happened to me, when people actually complimented me on how I handled attacking comments.
2. You will feel better about yourself. By participating in personal attacks, we dirty ourselves. But if we can stay above that level, we feel good about who we are. And that’s the most important benefit of all.

How do you stay above the attacks and be the better person? By removing yourself from the criticism, and looking only at the actions criticized. By seeing the positive in the criticism, and trying to improve. By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive attitude.

A quick example: Someone criticizes one of my posts by saying, “You’re an idiot. I don’t understand what x has to do with y.”

My typical response will be to first, ignore the first sentence. And second, to say something like, “Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify that. I don’t think I made it as clear as I should have. What x has to do with y is … blah blah. Thanks for the great question!”

And by ignoring the insult, taking it as an opportunity to clarify, thanking the critic, using the opportunity to explain my point further, and staying positive, I have accepted the criticism with grace and appreciation. And in doing so, remained the better person, and felt great about myself.

游戏规则
1．被点到名字的要把所有的问题像我一样回答出来发一篇日志在自己的页面上，所有的问题都要答。
最后去掉一个问题，再提一个自己的问题。再点出另外十个人继续回答，并列出这十个人的名字。还要到这十个人的页面留言通知对方——你被点名了。被点名者不得拒绝回答问题。
2．这十个人要在自己的日志里注明是从哪里接到的，并且再想一个问题传给其他十个人 ,让游戏继续下去，不得回传。

３.相信真正的爱情只有3个月的理论吗?
    相信，后边的都是亲情和习惯。

４.什么样的人才值得你爱？ 
   正直、勇敢、善良、爱我。

５.与朋友产生误会你会怎么办？

   真正的朋友很少会产生误会的，如果产生了就尽力去解决。一般的朋友的话，看看值得不值得去解决。无所谓的话就let it be好了。

６.你小时侯的梦想是什么? 
  老师，医生。

７.你最理想的生活状态是什么？

　　就像我现在的生活一样。衣食无忧，我陪在奶奶身旁，家人爱人一切安稳，我心甘情愿做宅女的生活。我最在乎我奶奶的一切，然后是爸爸妈妈的一切，只要他们好好的，就是我最理想的生活状态。

８.如果你只能实现自己的一个愿望，你会许什么？ 

　　奶奶爸爸妈妈身体健康。

９.最喜欢的食物是什么？  

　　最？好多……冰淇淋，蛋糕，巧克力，饺子，鱼，妈妈做的一切美食。

１０.你觉得女生直发好还是卷发?   
　　这个问题肯定是男生出的？！女生怎么开心就怎么打扮，这样就很好看。金玉其外，败絮其中——怎么都不好看。

１１.你最讨厌什么动物？
　　肉虫子类，绿色更甚！！！！！ 

１２.结了婚还可以偷偷喜欢其他人吗？ 
 　　他坚决不可以；我尽量控制。

1５.你喜欢太阳吗？
　　喜欢。尤其喜欢冬天自习室里的阳光。

１７.如果明天是世界末日，那你今天会做什么？ 
  　　当作什么都不知道，一切如故。

２２.有钱想做什么 
　　　给奶奶买好东西。和妈妈去旅游。

２４．没钱的时候你怎么办？？？
 　　自己赚钱。省钱。回家呆着。

２９．你相信信念真的可以战胜一切吗？
 　　　相信，有信仰的人是幸福且勇敢的。

３０．我的问题：你觉得我最大的缺点是什么？请如实回答，我不打你

　　   蟋蟀：有时候太善良了哦~呵呵。

我加的问题：２５题在哪里？

 我就不点名啦~   忄束负  hoho~~

 歌手：Bjork     专辑：Volta

I once had no fears
None at all
And then when
I had some
To my surprise
I grew to like both
Scared or brave
Without them
The thrill of fear
Thought I'd never admit it
The thrill of fear
Now greatly enjoyed with courage
When I once was
Untouchable
Innocence roared
Still amazes

When I once was
Innocent
It's still here
But in different places

Neurosis
Only
Attaches
Itself to
Fertile
Ground
Where it can flourish

The thrill of fear
Thought I'd never admit it
The thrill of fear
Now greatly enjoyed with courage

When I once was
Fearless
Innocence roared
Still amazes

Untouchable
Innocence
It's still here
But in different places
Fear is a powerful drug
Overcome it and
You think that you can do
Anything!

Should I
Save myself
For later
Or generously give?

Fear of
Losing
Energy
Is draining

It locks up your chest
Shuts down the heart
Miserly
And stingy
Let's open up : share!

When I once was
Fearless
Innocence roared
Still amazes

Untouchable
Innocence
It's still here
But in different places

 昨天在风云音乐上看到了Bjork的演唱会，可惜这个节目是付费的，只好从网上找来看。
比约克，BJORK，冰岛，Dancer in the dark.  No more tags in my mind.

但是看了现场版的演唱会，觉得“演唱会”这三个字所隐含的世俗和商业玷污了冰岛女神。这是一场彻头彻尾的soul show。她忘我的唱着，舞着，暗红色的舞台，那些和声那些伴奏那些没有躯体的灵魂。

我轻微的失着眠
我浑身充盈着颠覆的薄弱力量
我不抽烟喝酒
也不化妆
我不期待别人的观望
阳光如果现在升起
我现在就对她微笑
我突然厌倦
忽而又欢喜
像爬行动物一样蜿蜒而行
我写下脏脏的句子
假装它们很美丽
我呛了几口水
我其实一点也不害怕
我瞒着夏天想把肚子藏起来
最好把胳膊一起
我开始不愿意谨小慎微
我怀念她们残忍的思维
我说我有病，你说是，我就觉得好像真的有病痛一样
我告诉你我要开始安分了我告诉你
我的头发我要藏起来
还有我的眼睛
我讨厌它们总不知道该安放在哪里
哪里有很性感的情绪
除了四颗很性感的痘
我要黑色一点
白色也行
路上有人把劣质的紫色天鹅绒裙子和土黄色的卡通靴子一起穿
我开始不能忍受
我纯粹是在挑剔
就算头上戴了太繁冗的饰品
也和我没有关系
自恋和物质
看上去与我有些千丝万缕的关系
没有关系
没关系
你不认识我也没关系
你不用拿昂贵的尺子来丈量我的所谓灵魂
最好你不认识我
那么我们可以毫不相干的相爱别离
我要安排一场雨
要和你唱歌到天明
你怯怯的看我做疯狂的事情
这样的假设真是完美无缺
我默许凶狠
把牙齿嵌进好看的皮肉里面
叫嚣着把弦器一根根挑断
我没有纵火的欲望
只是中规中矩在心里铺展一个故事的梗况
奶白色的干净有些病态的矜持
一些软体爬虫眼神无辜的出入畅通无阻
哪里有资格
哪里有资格
暧昧 忧伤 和诸如此类的假肢
时间只是恰好在这里乘凉
我热爱黑色的眼眶
要是有眼泪会显得过为奢华
你浓着眼眶站在我面前就好
我为你的睫毛浇水
让它们把我编织进你的眼睛里
就这样吧
我搬进你的眼睛里
他知道她是女巫
不能看她的眼睛
只一秒非得沦落为她盛气凌人眼神下的奴隶不可
我也知道
你的我的他的她的眼里血流成河
我觉得挤也感到空
其他尚可

                              从来没有刻意关注过星相、星座的东西，这几天碰巧遇到。

      我们系男生和电信的男生散伙踢的时候，端端问我星座，我说：摩羯。她说：我觉得你应该是双鱼或者金牛一样的星座哦，看起来满温柔的那种！呵呵。好神奇~可爱的端端~

（我很喜欢很多我们班的女生，都是可爱的性格，很多时候我觉得拉拉也挺好的……女女之爱比男同爱维美纯净得多~听到过最让人怀疑自己的话——你不是同性恋的原因，不是因为你真的喜欢异性，只是因为你还没有碰到自己喜欢的同性而已……）

某天泽在电话里提到了我们俩这个月的星座运势，他也是随手翻报纸的时候看到的。说我们这个月花钱比较多，会因小事而争吵。好准……是花了很多钱，已经数不清了，我快入不敷出了。今天给泽的妈妈过生日，必胜客小吃了一顿，给他传的优惠券竟然收不到，BT的某打银行邮箱。我做的沙拉好高好多，引来一片赞赏~吃饭的时候说的话并不那么称心，回来小吼。不爽。再次印证星势。

Destiny似乎还有宿命的意思吧。我挺宿命的，有的时候觉得命里有的，该是你的——历经周折或者不费吹灰之力定是你的。天下没有不散的宴席。是命。明天，晚上，散伙饭。听着多轻松的一个词儿，就这么轻飘飘的要砸过来了。我肯定承受不住明天的场景，这些天脆弱的不行，动不动就想流泪，或者想和咖啡熬夜听歌即使什么正经事也不做，就是这样会很踏实。

那么多人，即使很多人接触不多，但这么切近的朋友似乎就要离开这座城市，而我留在这里，这一辈子还会再见到吗？再见到的时候会是什么样子呢？……不可说，不可说。

ps:今天听到了一个菜，叫“一心一意”。